Domestic Bliss
by Aphina
Summary: OCSpeedle: Domestic Bliss isn't all it's cracked up to be, with threats from everyside who will they turn to and what will they do?
1. Chapter 1: Wedding Day Bliss

Chapter One

I stood at the front of the church next to Horatio, butterflies erupting in my stomach as we stepped towards the open doorway. The white silk dress glided across the floor as we moved. I looked down at myself for a second. The strapless bodice made my curves look more defined. I took a deep breath before accepting Horatio's outstretched arm, and resting my hand on it. He was walking me down the aisle today, Horatio Caine, the most predominant father figure in my life was dressed in a black tuxedo, he did elegance well.

"Nervous?" he asked softly, giving me a genuine warm smile. I looked down at the ground for a second watching my shoes peek out the bottom of my dress as we suddenly appeared in the archway, waiting for the music.

"It shows?" I asked with an anxious smile.

"A little." The rest of his words were cut off by the sound of organ music.

"You ready?" I nodded as we each took matching step forward. With each step I felt my nerves grow, with each pew I passed, each thought popped into my mind.

_He wasn't going to be there._

My eyes alert, I was instantly drawn to the front. First off my eyes fell on Danny Messer. His eyes were on me with a small smile. As one of Tim's closest friends he deserved to be standing on that spot. When I first met Messer, I'd been taken back by his bluntness and sarcastic humour. The more I got to know him, the more I began to like him, until he'd become a kid of Uncle to the kids, just like Eric. Next to Danny, Delko was standing there, his face wide with a boyish grin. I returned his smile, feeling my heart leap as my gaze fell on my husband to be. His dark head bowed, his hands clasped in front of him. I my eyes lingered on him, he chose that second to glance up. For one simple second our eyes met, and I knew I was making the right decision. I watched Tim's face turn into a surprised grin. I could tell what he was thinking. Also thinking about later on tonight I felt a wicked grin cross my face. He didn't know what I was wearing underneath this dress. As we reached the alter Horatio leant over and kissed me affectionately on the cheek. Standing to my left Abbey, Calleigh and Alexx stood in dark red off the shoulder bridesmaid dresses. Somewhere on the front row I was also aware that Kate Speedle, Tim's mother had her eighteen month old grandchild on her lap.

I took a step onto the alter and faced Tim, whose eyes glittered.

"You look gorgeous." He said quietly. I looked down at his tuxedo, and felt heat rise up in me.

"So do you." I replied, censoring my real thoughts.

The priest cleared his throat to speak, both of us silenced the service began.

_If I give up on you_

_I give up on me_

_If we found what's true will we ever be_

_Even God himself and the faith I knew_

_Shouldn't hold me back shouldn't keep me from you._

The song played as Tim twirled me around the dance floor, bring me up close to meet him.

"You learned how to dance." I remarked quietly, as we swayed to the music.

"What do you think Alexx over at ours place while you and Calleigh went to self defence class?" he teased me. His mouth was close to my ear, I closed my eyes relishing the sound of his voice.

_Tease me by holding out your hand_

_And leave me or take me as I am_

_And live our lives stigmatized_

"I'm glad we waited a year." I said softly as he kissed my forehead.

"Your Mom and Dad can look after the kids while we're on our one night honeymoon, it's perfect."

Tim kissed my neck gently, causing heat to run through me at a feverish pace. Hs hands were on my hips pulling me to him.

"Can you at least wait until we get into the room?" I said humorously as I swiped the key card through the slot of the door slowly.

"If you don't hurry up, we may have an audience." He said pointedly nodding at the old couple at the end of the corridor starring at us.

I pushed the door open as Tim chose that moment to sweep me off my feet, and carried me over the threshold.

_I can feel the blood rushing through your veins_

_And I hear your voice driving me insane_

_Hour after hour day after day._

I lay there drenched in sweat, finding myself unable to move for a few moments. The only sound I could here was the sweet sound of Tim's deep breathing next to me. He rolled on to his side, his mouth going to my ear.

"Not bad Mrs Speedle. The question is can you go again though?" he asked nipping at my ear gently. I felt his lean body pressing against me insistently.

"I wonder if you can keep up." I teased as he propped himself up with his arm, and ran his finger over the curves of my face. I closed my eyes his fingertip traced the edge of my nose and then onto my lips.

"Your truly beautiful." He murmured moving into a deep kiss.

_We live our lives on different sides_

_But we keep together you and I_

_Just live ort lives stigmatized_

Miami at night looked beautiful from the hotel balcony. I leaned over wrapped only in a sheet feeling the cool breeze brush my skin. My hair was loose now, moving gently in the wind. I felt Tim's presence behind me; I turned my head to see him holding out a glass of champagne. I took it from him, watching as he stood next to me starring at the view, sipping from his own glass, dressed only in a white robe.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked leaning on the railing and gazing at the tiny lights ahead of us.

"You." I answered honestly, my eyes on him.

"My fantastic skills in the bedroom?" he smirked. I rolled my eyes.

"Among other things." I remarked sipping from my glass.

"No really what were you thinking?" He asked serious now.

"Just how everything in my life's been since I met you. I just can't believe we're standing here, married. I expected something to go wrong, with all the things that have happened in the last year, and more." I confessed. Tim nodded.

"I didn't think you'd walk down the aisle." I tilted my head towards him, he looked down at his glass. I frowned perplexed.

"I thought you'd realize what mistake you'd be making." he said taking another sip of out of the glass.

"I just think that this is too good to be true, you, the girls, and the team. I just expect to wake up one morning and it all is a dream." He admitted.

"Instead I'm waking up next to you, with two gorgeous little girls to come home to." I smiled, taking his free hands, our eyes met.

"You deserve every single minute of bliss."

_We'll live our lives we'll take the punches every day._

_We'll live our lives I know we're gonna find our way._

"I'm not coming out of this shower." I growled at Tim around the corner of the door. The feel of the boiling hot water on my skin was the best feeling I'd ever experienced. Well one of them.

"I'll have to come in there and get you then." I shrieked with laughter as a naked Tim Speedle threw himself into the huge spacious shower space. He grabbed me in his arms preparing to drag me out of the hot spray and then stopped and reached for the shower gel.

"Actually…"

_I believe in you_

_Even if no one understands_

_Yea I believe in you._

_And I don't really give a damn._

I cast a sly glance at Tim as we left the hotel room only dressed in towels. I left the door a jar.

"Are you sure about this?" Tim asked suspicious, his eyes going to the closed faces of all the other rooms and then the elevator.

"You only live once." I reminded him, his face started to go red.

"Or in our case streak down a hotel corridor." I took his hand as we reached the other side of the corridor. He turned to look pointedly at me.

"After you." He commented. I removed my towel, and began to run down the corridor towards the room. I heard Tim's footsteps closely behind me, I glanced behind me to catch a glimpse at him, towel flapping behind him form his hand. I let out a laugh as I dived into the room, him two seconds behind me. We slammed the door behind us giggling.

"I can not believe we just did that." He wheezed between laughing. I leant over and kissed his lips. I felt Tim respond as his hands moved up my legs. There were some advantages of being already naked.

Stigmatized – The Calling


	2. Chapter 2:Come Undone

Chapter Two

_Can't ever keep from falling apart at the seams_

_Can't believe your taking my heart to pieces._

_Who do you need?_

_Who do you love?_

_When you come undone_

Come Undone – Duran Duran

Speedle

"You're not taking our kids to L.A, what on earth are you thinking?" I was screaming at her now, I could feel the hoarseness in my throat. I slammed my hands down on the suitcase in front of me, that she had been previously packing. Eva flinched, not meeting my eyes.

"I'm serious Eva. By the way when were you planning to tell me? Or were you just going to leave me a note?" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest. I was begging her to tell me this was all mistake, that she wasn't packing to disappear off to LA.

"I am not letting them take the kids Tim; I can't, and won't let them!" She shriekded at me, the sound forced another outburst from me.

"And what the hell is in L.A for you? Why L.A of all places?" As far as I knew she knew no one there. There was nothing there for her or the kids. I watched as she moved towards me slumping onto the bed her hands covering her face.

She quickly pulled her hands away her face red.

"It's the fucking city of angels Tim, and that's what we need, a fucking angel." She was shouting now. I was glad the kids were in day-care. They didn't have to see or hear us fighting like this. All of a sudden Eva burst into tears, she put her hands over her face and began to cry. I took a deep breath, this was the first outbreak of emotion she'd shown since this whole mess had started, I knew it had been grating at her underneath the skin, she was preoccupied at work constantly, she was more careful around the kids, suspicious of strangers., she wasn't sleeping at night anymore. Lying next to her in bed I knew she was listening out for a sound, anything that wasn't normal for the house.

I tried to ground myself, looking at her I saw everything I felt but magnified, desperation, anger but most of all fear. Fear that we'd never see our kids again. Horatio's methods were not moving fast enough to make either of us feel at peace. I dropped down onto my knees in front of her, gently prying her hands away from her face.

"Eva honey…" I began, smoothing her hair back behind her ear.

"It's driving me crazy Tim, I can't stand it anymore. It's driving me insane, the phone calls, and the letters. I can't do it any more, I can't be here. I'm worrying about the kids constantly. I just have to get me and them away form here." she said raking her hair back with both hands.

"Going to L.A isn't going to solve anything, if you do that it's going to prove that you are unpredictable, and you're giving them more proof to challenge us with." I explained to her calmly. She nodded in agreement, she was thinking logically now. An idea popped into my head at random, it was something that I could see working. The difference between Eva was that her primary instinct was to think like a mother, I'd always thought like a scientist, and that's how I was handling the situation with rational thinking. I could feel the strain pushing down on me, but there was no point going at this situation with without a clear head, I'd cock up somewhere and the kids would be gone, out of reach forever. I didn't want that, neither of us did.

"Why don't you g to New York for a while, you can stay my parent's house, and the girls get to see their grandparents. Mom and Dad won't mind. It'll be a nice break for you, and Danny's up there. He can keep an eye on you." I told her. I was beginning to like this idea more and more. I took her face in my hands.

"Things are going to be fine I promise." I leant my forehead against hers, looking directly into her eyes. I saw hope there.

Thank You." She murmured softly. She was a lot less emotional now. I let my fingers caress her jaw line, and then moving to the soft skin of her cheek. I closed my eyes momentarily just enjoying the feeling of her. All the anger had run out of my body, I'd expected her to snap sooner or later, just not like this.

"Just don't scare me like that again." I spoke quietly. She wrapped her arms around me, pulling me closer into her embrace.

"I'm just really scared." She admitted, her head buried in my shoulder, I reached my hand up stroking her hair softly, my cheek resting on the top of her head.

"I am too." I said softly, my eyes clenched tightly shut, I tried to push away the chain of events that led to this moment.


	3. Chapter 3: Case Of The Ex

Chapter Three - 2 Weeks Earlier

_So close, no matter how far  
Couldn't be much more from the heart  
Forever trusting who we are  
and nothing else matters_

Nothing Else Matters – Metallica

Speedle

The shrill annoying noise invading the lyrics seeping from my c.d player was my cell phone. Turning the music down I snatched the cell phone up from the desk without glancing at the caller I.D, unusual for me but I was knee deep in paper work front the recent boosts in case loads recently.

"Speedle." I said distracted by the reports in front of me. I was trying to make comparisons between these two files, but so far nothing. I was getting agitated by it.

"Tim, hey, is that you?" A familiar voice asked over the line. I glanced up surprised, trying to place it.

"Pam!" I exclaimed, remembering the last time Id heard her voice. Frowning, I puzzled over the memories of her for second. Why was she ringing me now?

"So you do remember me, Mr Workaholic?" I winced as she spoke; me and Pam had not broken up on brilliant terms. Pam had been my girlfriend a few years ago before I met Eva; actually she'd been my girl friend since before I got shot, the first time in the Dispo Day Shooting. She'd gone away to Washington to follow a career in politics; she'd left me because I wasn't serious enough for her. She'd asked me to move in and I'd said no. After the whole Lara fiasco I was afraid of seriousness when it came to relationships. After Lara any encounter I'd had with a woman had been a casual, a one night thing, Pam was the first proper relationship I'd after that. Things had gone sour after Delko and I were caught in the fire in Club Descent. I'd worked the case straight after leaving the club, to Pam that showed I was more dedicated to my work than my own general safety and her insecurities, which was true the only constant surety in my life at the time had been work. Not long after, Pam got a job offer in Washington and took it. Well that was the end of our relationship.

Her phone call now out of the blue, surprised me. Especially since I'd been married three months, and had a baby who was over thirteen months old, and adopted another little girl. Life had moved fast for me, I met the woman of my dreams, married her and gained two children in the few years Pam had been away. I think it was getting closer to three years now. I had a sneaking suspicion she was calling to redeem something that wasn't there. Unfortunately that was more fool her.

"Tim?" Pam's voice snapped me out of my reverie. I swallowed harshly getting a grip on myself for a second.

"Yea, it's me, sorry, you just surprised me." I commented thoughtfully. I wrapped my arms around myself, my eyes on the clear glass in front of me. Sometimes I watched people walk by and wonder what their thinking.

"It's been over two years Tim, how are you doing? Actually scrap that I was ringing to tell you I was back in town I just wanted to see if you wanted to catch up or something?" A feeling of dread filled me. She was looking for a hook up, instantly I felt bad, Pam wasn't bad we had shared something special at one point, but it was something I was well over. Though I would have to tell her about how things had changed and I'd rather be doing that face to face than on the phone.

"It depends; I'm kind of have a few commitments now. There are a few things we need to talk about." I told her, pondering how she was going to take the news of Eva and the kids, I cringed thinking about her, thinking about the fact I hadn't been serious about her and now I was suddenly married with kids.

"Me too, but look, I'm in work right now, how about tonight usual time and usual place?" It felt weird organizing something that was "the usual" from about what seemed like a lifetime ago; my usual now was the Chinese restaurant up by Horatio's. Our old regular place was the Italian place up on Coconut Grove.

"I'll have to…" I began, Pam cut me off.

"I've got to go, Tim, sorry, it's crazy around here."

"Sure catch you later." I said thoughtfully tapping my pen against the desk now. I put the phone now as Eva walked slowly into the Lab reading a tox report from the paper in her hands. Her dark hair was tied back, with the layers from the sides framing her face, she looked fairly serious. I wondered how she would feel about Pam calling up out of the blue; I decided to run it past her. After everything that had happened on the last few years with Eva I found myself desperate not to cock this up. Feeling my eyes on her she glanced up nodding at the phone in my hand.

"Horatio?" she asked, returning her gaze to the top of the paper.

"No actually." I said, standing up and moving around the counter. She sat down at her work space, glancing up at me. I crossed my arms over my chest defensive.

"It was Pam." I told her, Eva's eyes flicked up to my face for a brief second; I could tell her curiosity was peaked.

"You're ex girlfriend?" she asked, setting the paper down in front of her, her full attention now on me. I shifted a little awkward.

"She's back in town; she wants to catch up tonight." I tested, trying to gauge Eva's reaction. She raised an eyebrow.

"And are you going?" she asked curious. I shrugged before answering.

"Yeah. A lot has happened since I last saw her; we kind of ended on a bad note. I want to tell her that I'm married now and that we have kids."

"You sure this isn't a hook up call?" She said pointedly. I shook my head, and then decided to tell her the truth.

"Maybe." I commented. Eva gave me a grim smile, shuffling the paper in front of her. We both weren't sure how to act towards this situation we'd never been in it before.

"Be back before six, I have to go to my self defence class tonight." I nodded as she spoke openly. I knew she was giving me right of passage. She wasn't happy about it but she was showing me she trusted me. To be honest I was glad that this wasn't bothering her; I suspected at some point that this would happen.

"I'll be back by then." I said, our eyes met for a short second before I returned to my seat across from her. She unclipped her hair, letting it fall out across her shoulders; she ruffled it with her hand. I felt something stirring inside me. With a wide grin, I pretended to focus on the reports in front of me.

"Like something you see?" she asked me. I gave her a playful look across the desk. Eva lowered her eyes, not before I saw glimpse of the look on her face.

"You're nervous?" she asked suddenly, spreading out the papers in front of her. I bowed my head tapping my pen on the work surface. I shrugged.

"Maybe." I reasoned

"There was a time when you would have responded differently to this call." She stated stretching her hands above her head. I frowned trying to envision myself not married to her and accepting Pam's call.

"Before I met you, the only relationships I had were casual. I couldn't, didn't want anything serious from a relationship." I confessed. Eva gave me a sympathetic look.

"I get it, you don't have to explain yourself to me." She said softly, running a hand through her hair. I felt a tiny smile cross over my lips. Tonight was going to go fine.


	4. Chapter 4: Pulling Punches

Chapter Four

_Oh she could be soothed_

_She could be saved_

_If he could see_

_She needs to be held in his arms_

Rinse – Vanessa Carlton

The doorbell rang while I was in the middle of a phone call with Kate Speedle, Lily was grabbing on to my legs, leaning against them as she waddled around the coffee table.

"I've got to go, the doorbell going, I'll call you back later." I told Tim's mother. I got on well with both of Tim's parents, I'd been introduced to them a few weeks before we'd found out that I was pregnant. Over the last two years we'd been getting closer and I'd come to think of them as my own parents. Which was nice considering my mother had died six months ago, and as far as I could tell my father was drinking himself into a stupor. Nothing had really changed with her death.

It had been over a year since the Mala Noche attack that had rendered Marisol Delko dead and me with severe injuries. My shoulder still ache from time to Tim, but it wouldn't keep me from working or from looking after our children. Horatio and Eric's trip to Brazil had stopped before it had even had a chance to start. The FBI had stopped their travelling visas preventing them form leaving the state let alone the country. It was a nice play by the FBI, but what they didn't reckon was that rival gang members would take out their star witness, thirteen minutes after he'd touched ground. Case closed, justice dished out, we were free to continue our own lives without the repercussions from the Mala Noche, since they were all either in prison or in hiding. We could all settle down, safe in the knowledge that Marisol's death had been avenged, even if not directly. Yet the damage he'd caused was still there, Eric had lost a sister and a close friend, Horatio now slept alone, and Oliver still called out for his "mamma" in the night when he had a bad dream. The only difference between then and now was that we'd all begun to heal. Marisol couldn't be forgotten, she'd touched the lives of so many people. I still visited her graveside every so often, as I knew Eric and Horatio did.

I returned the phone to its slot. I loved having a cordless phone; the freedom to walk around the house was a brilliant advantage when you had kids. One of the disadvantages though was the fact it got misplaced every so often. Abbey hid it in the washing machine once. Which could have become a small catastrophe in itself had Tim not found it before putting the laundry in.

I bent down and picked up the toddler.

"Should we go see who that is?" I asked her, making eye contact. Lily giggled, looking around the room, her hands reaching out for the bright colored cushions on the sofa.

"Come on baby." I said softly moving towards the door, consciously dismissing the urge to take my gun to the door. I'd given that up over six months ago when the Mala Noche ceased to become a threat. I opened it widely expecting Calleigh, who sometimes came early to see the kids, being one of Lily's godmother and all.

"What are you doing here?" The smile fell from my face, as I responded coldly. Mark's look of surprise was equal yet his eyes were on Lily who was now cowering away from him in my arms. His short blond hair was unruly and unkempt, he looked rough. I tok a small bit of satisfaction in that. The last time I had seen Mark was when he turned up at work dumping Abbey on me at work, telling me he wanted nothing to do with her, later it turned out he'd bruised her shoulder, and left her alone in a dark room. Abbey was terrified of him. Seeing the back of Mark had been a turning point of my life. Mark had a nasty streak and it been showing predominantly in the weeks leading up to my leaving for Miami, and a little after.

"Is she yours?" he asked equally as cold. Lily buried her face in my shoulder away from Mark's glare. I put a hand on the back of her head, caressing her dark curls that she had inherited from her father.

"I'm married now." I told him as a matter of fact. Mark's eyes narrowed.

"Your Mrs Speedle now?" he said pointedly. I frowned, narrowing my eyes at him.

"How did you…" He cut me off, leaning in the doorway. I started to get defensive.

"Can we talk about this inside?" he asked, he was standing a little bit too close. I pulled away taking Lily with me. Abbey was inside, and I wasn't letting Mark near her.

"No, wait here, and I'll put the baby inside and then we'll talk out here." I told him. Mark didn't say anything. Leaving the door open so I wasn't being too rude, I stepped into the living room putting Lily down amongst her toys, behind the couch.

"Now you stay here." I told her, patting her on the head, she grinned at me with delight picking up the Sesame Street talking phone and beginning to hold it up to her ear. I felt a small smile cross my lips, as she pressed the button for Elmo. I moved around the couch, and looked up feeling something foreign in the area, looking up I caught sight of Mark leaning in the doorway of the living room, a wry smile on his face.

"I told you not to come in here." I told him crossing my arms over my chest as I spoke.

"Are you happy?" I bowed my head, and then nodded.

"But you didn't come here to talk about how happy I was did you?" I said my eyes on him. He said nothing, moving like a predator he walked towards the mantelpiece picking up the picture of me and Tim at our wedding.

"You look good on these; Speedle's a great looking guy. He works with you does he?" Mark said setting the picture down back in its original place.

"Your not here for small talk either." I told him a little unnerved by how much he knew.

"No I'm not."

"But you are here for?" I prompted. Mark raised an eyebrow.

"Always the impatient one."

"Only when people are dancing around the subject." I countered. Mark's eyes were eon mine, I saw something I didn't like in them.

"I want custody of Abbey." I found myself gaping at him in surprise. The words were already in my mouth.

"I can't do that." The look on Mark's face turned dangerous.

"I thought you'd say that."

"Get out." I said deadpan. Mark took a step forward. I held my ground.

"I'm not letting you near her." I said bluntly. Mark nodded.

"I know." He was right in front of me now, I swallowed down the panic I was feeling,. Why hadn't I slammed the door on his face when I'd seen it was him?

"Get out." I growled. Mark's hand was suddenly on my throat. All the air ran out of me. I clenched my jaw shut. I struggled with his grasp for a second before hearing the patter of feet. I closed my eyes momentary. God No!

"Mommy?" Both mine and Mark's heads twisted at the same time towards the hallway. Abbey stood there in all her glory, little blond curls tied back, a book in her hand.

"Hello Princess." Mark's voice was gentle. The grip he had on me released as he took a step towards Abbey.

"Abbey get your sister and go into the bedroom and lock the door until I say it's safe to come out." I shouted. A loud noise resounded through the room, I found myself dazed, and swaying, I leaned on the cabinet behind me to steady myself, cheek stinging. I gawped at Mark who was on his way towards Abbey. Instinctively I lunged at Mark, driving my shoulder into him. As we went down I could a brief glimpse of Abbey guiding Lily out of the room by the hand towards my bedroom. Good girl.

I heard the loud crash as we went through the glass coffee table and hit the floor; I rolled off Mark landing awkwardly on my left shoulder. I let out a cry of pain as I tried to scramble quickly to my feet, taking the pressure off my shoulder.

"That was a really bad idea." Mark seethed; he was already clambering to his feet, whilst I was still on my hands and knees, trying to catch my breath. This wasn't the Mark I used to know… Now that I thought about it, seeing what he'd done to Abbey only showed Mark's potential for violence, obviously it had added up over the years. I slipped in the glass as he stood over me menacingly. I felt a small burst of pain erupt in the palm of my right hand. I knew I'd cut it. Mark wasted no time in reaching forward and hoisting me up by left arm wrenching my left shoulder. I let out a hiss of pain.

"Sore spot?" he said tugging it again, I ground my teeth, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He pulled me in the direction of the hallway; I knew immediately what he wanted.

"I'm not telling them to come out. You can rot in hell." I cursed at him. My shoulder was throbbing.

"Of course your not." He said as if he didn't believe me. His left hand came to rest on my left shoulder; he tightened his grip, digging his thumb into the bullet wound.

"Isn't this the shoulder you got shot in?" he asked in a voice that indicated nothing more than casual interest. I was biting down as hard as I could on the inside of my mouth, trying to distance myself from the pain in my shoulder. Underneath the pain the one thought remained. How did he know?

His mouth was next to my ear now.

"I'm her father Eva. You can't change that."

"Tim's been more of a father to her than you've ever been." Mark raised his hand to lash out me but I got there first. My fist went straight into his nose, his head snapped back with a sickening crunch as he released me dazed. Taking advantage of the situation, I rushed to the phone, as I held it in my hand; I heard sirens in the distance. I dialled the first number who came into my head. The phone started to ring.

"You've made a big mistake Eva." Mark said wiping the blood from his nose, it looked bad, really bad. I was waiting desperately for Tim to pick up, the sirens getting closer.

"No Mark you made a mistake. Did you honestly think you could just burst in here, and take her? Did you think I'd let you? You're a freaking idiot, no judge in the universe, unless it was some alternative backwards world, is going to let you take Abbey." Mark simply grinned, taking a few steps back towards the door. Tim's answering machine kicked in. What the hell was he doing? I pressed redial.

"That's where you're wrong."

"Yea sure Mark, I'm wrong." Tim's answering machine caught again. Where the hell was he? I pressed redial again. Mark was backing out of the door.

"Not picking up?" he asked in a bitter voice.

"He's fucking someone else Eva, while you're here with me." I could feel tears building as the answering machine caught again. What was he doing? I forced them all away. I was thinking about my gun, safely locked in the bottom drawer of my night stand.

"Get the hell out!" I screamed. Mark nodded at me and backed out of the front door. I pressed redial again, hearing the familiar sound of ringing. My eyes went to the broken coffee table, the glass pieces on the floor, the mess scattered around the room. I leaned against the wall for support as the tears fell, and my legs went weak. I slid down it into a heap, the phone pressed to my ear. Tim's answer phone picked up again. My shoulder was on fire, my throat hoarse, the side of my face stung like a bitch. The first sob escaped my throat.

"Eva? Eva are you in here?" Horatio's calm voice called out through the doorway. I raised my head, frantically trying to hide the tears and the sobs. Gun posed he stepped through the doorway, his eyes darting around the room assessing the situation. Then his eyes landed on me.

"Eva is he gone?" I nodded, finding myself unable to move. Horatio lifted his sunglasses off his head slipping them into his front shirt pocket. Eric moved closely behind him.

"It's clear." Horatio yelled, walking quickly towards me.

"The kid's are in the bedroom, can you get them Eric?" Horatio said softly as crouched down in front of me. His earnest blue eyes searching my face. A fresh burst of tears began prickling from my eyes. I didn't know how Horatio knew about the kids but I was thankful. Eric nodded disappearing into the hallway. Horatio held out a hand, and helped pull me to my feet.

"Eva where's Speed?" Suddenly I couldn't stop it, I broke down, fresh tears were running down my face, and I was sobbing. Horatio's arms went around me, his hand rested on the back of my neck gently. I clutched him tightly; face buried in his suit, the soft smell of his after shave entered my nostrils. It was comforting. Horatio's hand smoothed my hair softly.

"I don't know, Horatio, I don't know where he is." I sobbed into his suit jacket.

"He was with Pam, and he won't answer his phone." The tears were running harsh and free now. I felt Horatio tense, and then I cried harder.


	5. Chapter 5: Striptease

Chapter Five

_Bitter sins how they grow within  
So you tell me it ain't right  
I am...all sins  
And you're my reason for life_

Halo - Soil

The restaurant was quiet for this time of the day. I sat at the dark polished table sipping form my glass of bottled mineral water, almost two dollars a piece. That's the kind of place this is, extravagant, expensive. Just like Pam.

I couldn't help but feel sucked into the past. The last time I'd been here was at Pam's moving in proposal. Well the relationship degenerated not long after that. I looked around periodically feeling awkward, the lack of people did nothing but aid my nerves. This felt wrong, the whole scenario was wrong. I'd only agreed to this meeting because me and Pam had such a history together. When I thought about it, it was one long comfort based relationship.

Come on Eva cleared it. I told my self. Eva, my wife, lover, soul mate, was at home caring for our kids. Intense discomfort filled me, it simply added to my feeling of unrest. I was getting up the courage to leave.

"Tim?" The intricate feminine voice shattered all my thoughts in an instant. I found myself standing out of force of habit to embrace the newcomer. Taking a step back I looked at Pam for the first time, checking over for any differences. Same green eyes, same honey brown hair that fell mid way down her back. The only difference in her appeared to be her suit. It cost almost as much as my Dutchi from the look of it. Pam, herself was still stunning, her lips painted in a shiny gloss. Her black suit showed the curves in her slender frame. I returned to my seat as she settled in hers. I watched curious as she called the waiter over ordering a white wine spritzer, a lawyer's drink. Finally her attention was turned back to me. She leant forward with a smile, yet her eyes were hungry.

"So…what are you doing with yourself now?" she asked conversationally.

"Still working at CSI." I told her, she sipped from her spritzer not looking entirely surprised. For some reason that made me feel a little bit worse.

"I quit the government, too much politics." She grinned wryly. I frowned at her comment. She'd been involved in something. I didn't push it. In the shortfall I didn't want to know. I just wanted to get in and out of here as fast as I could. There was an awkward silence between us, I found myself looking around.

"You're looking healthy." She said with a small smile, I turned my head in her direction to see her looking down. Even said in a friendly tone it made me flinch. Before Pam left, I was working all the hours God could send on a diet of water and breakfast bars. I hardly slept due to insomnia. I was running myself down. I'd been on the rail road to destruction. I'd been left alone by the last person who I thought cared about me, Megan hadn't even told me she was leaving. She'd just picked up and moved to San Francisco, without letting anyone know she was going. As much as I liked Pam at the time I didn't love her. For her to see me like this, successful, happy, healthy, must be a shock. I bowed my head with a grim smile. I didn't like the way things had occurred between the two of us, but I wouldn't change them.

"I'm taking care of myself now." I said clasping my hands together, entwining my fingers on the surface of the table.

"Listen…" I said gazing at the bar for a second. Then I forced myself to look at her.

"Is this a hook up?" I asked her openly. Pam looked down into her drink, her left hand stretched across the table taking mine in it. I felt the immediate urge to pull it away.

"It's a catch up, if we end up at my apartment afterwards, who's to say what happens?" I pulled my hands away gently, palms down against the surface of the table. The light from above us caught my ring. Pam grabbed at my hands pulling my left one back towards her. Her eyes fell on the simple gold band on my ring finger.

"Are you…?" she broke off, her face fell.

"I've been married three months. We have two children." I told her, not removing my eyes from her face, I gradually pulled my hands slowly away from her and sipped from my glass of water, feeling a little more secure that we'd now got that out in the open.

"Two children that was quick." She remarked dryly, taking a large gulp of her wine glass. There wasn't enough alcohol in a spitzer to drown out that news.

"One's from a previous relationship, I adopted her after Eva gave birth to our other daughter." Pam was starring at me moderately surprised. I took a small smug satisfaction in that. I'd beat her expectations. I knew what she was thinking. I couldn't commit to her, but now suddenly I was married with two kids, she was speechless. It probably hurt a lot too, I ignored the guilt I was feeling.

"Who is she?" she asked conversationally, still trying to get things straight in her brain I guessed. I leaned on my elbows, feeling a little bit sorry for her.

"Her name's Eva, I work with her." I said simply.

"I thought it would be someone you work with." She muttered her eyes on the glass as she traced her finger around the rim. To fill up the silence I decided to carry on.

"She's from England, I hated her at first, I thought she was trying to replace me but I was wrong, anyway we ended up dating. Now we're married."

"There's more of a story there." Pam pointed out with a tiny smile. I nodded; she reached out touching my hand gently. I felt my jaw clench, but I let her do it. I spent the next half an hour filling her in the story. Save the rape, and Lara. Some things were too personal to divulge. When I finished telling my story, Pam was looking at me in a different way. It was a look I was unsure of.

"She sounds like quite a woman." I bowed my head with a small smile, feeling proud.

"She is." I checked my watch for the first time since Pam had arrived; it was time to be heading back.

"I've got to go. I promised Eva I'd be back before six." I stood up. Pam followed suit, grabbing her bag as she rose to her feet.

"Tim…" Her voice stopped me in my tracks.

"You left some stuff it's been in the back of the closet for the last few years." I turned to face her, crossing my arms over my chest.

"What kind of stuff?" I asked thoughtfully. It was plausible. She'd left in a hurry; we hadn't really seen each other after I'd said "no" to her request.

"Forensic journals." She said picking up her black leather bound hand bag and sliding it over her shoulder, the bag probably cost a hell of a lot more than my journals. I glanced at my watch. I had some lee way.

"Come by my place, pick it up, you can be home before six." I had to hand it to her she was perceptive. I moved outside the evening air hitting me now with a nice cool breeze. I took in the feel of it.

"You still riding the Dutchi?" I grinned throwing on my leather biker jacket. I pointed across the parking lot. Pam grinned shaking her head, and then changed direction towards her car.

"Some things never change." Maybe she was right, but on the other hand I had.

Pam's apartment was exactly the same as it had been three years ago; the only difference was the price of the stuff in it. I took my jacket off without thinking and throwing it over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

"Nice place." I commented squinting at the stereo. Top of the range. Pam shot me a wide smile, knowing that I was analysing the quality of the stuff in her apartment. It appears she'd had a nice payoff.

"The stuff's in the bedroom, well you know your way in there." She said her voice going soft towards the end in a way I didn't like. Ignoring my primal urge to escape I decided to follow etiquette and enter the room, moving immediately towards the closet on the right wall of the bedroom. Even glancing around the bedroom it was clear it hadn't changed much at all. I felt trapped in a time warp. After spending the next five minutes searching through the closet and finding nothing bigger than a shoe box, I was beginning to feel as though I'd been duped. I stood up closing the closet and turning around to face Pam I folded my arms over my chest.

"There never was any forensics journals were there?" I murmured, the air rushing out of me as I realized that she seemed to be lacking clothes. Pam was standing in front of me wearing only a red silk bra and matching panties, complete with black stockings. Suddenly I felt slightly fearful, especially when she took a step towards me.

I stood there frozen unable to even think. She ran a hand down her body, licking her kips. My eyes widened.

"What's the matter Tim, do you miss this?" she asked, running a hand through her hair. I felt my jaw clench. I couldn't believe this. Suddenly she was right in front of me, her body pressing hungrily against mine. Her lips were on my kissing, her hands touching everywhere, suddenly I felt the belt buckle of pants begin to loosen, snapping me back to my senses. I grabbed Pam's hands stopping her from continuing.

Pam's eyes moved up to my face pleading. Her lips were within inches of mine, I jerked my head back as she tried to kiss me again.

"Stop it." I said. "Just stop it." I let go of her walking around her shaking as I reached the door my hand went to the handle.

"Why?" she asked. Why did I choose Eva over her? Why could I commit to someone else?

"Because I love her, she's different." I said without turning around. Head high I got to the outside door of her apartment block before she caught up with me. She tapped me on the back as I threw the door open and stepped out towards my Dutchi.

"You forgot this." She said holding up my jacket, now clad in a silk black robe. I snatched it from her hands.

"Tim." I was shrugging my jacket on ignoring her. She stuck her hand out. I stared at it frowning unsure of what to do.

"No hard feelings." She said remorseful. I bowed my head and took her hand. Suddenly her lips were on mine again her arms wrapped around me. I grabbed her arms pushing her away from me and wiping the gloss from my mouth with the back of my hand.

"For Christ's Sake Pam I'm married." I snapped at her. She leaned in the doorway.

"Married men always cheat on their wives." She said almost sadly. I suddenly saw something, it all began to click into place. She'd been involved with someone and she'd been fucked over, and now she expected me to do the same. I shook my head, feeling empty.

"But I won't." I told her. Pam gave me a grim smile.

"I hope you stay true to your word for your wife's sake." She said. It was cryptic, and I knew this was unlike her. I turned away thoughtful, as I climbed onto my bike I glanced up still feeling her eyes on me. She gave me a small five finger wave, before I started the engine and rode into the evening light. I couldn't restore Pam's faith the way she wanted me to, but at some point I knew that someone else would and then maybe she'd be happy.


End file.
